Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Frequently Asked Questions About My Beliefs

Word of Wisdom FAQ:

Q. Is it okay to drink wine like they did in the Bible days?

A. That’s a complicated question. You see there were two different kinds of wine back in Biblical times: New Wine (which is basically grape juice) and Old Wine (which has been allowed to ferment).

It is okay to drink New Wine (juice box), but Old Wine (alcoholic) is an abomination to the Lord.

Good Musical Taste FAQ:

Q. Is it okay to listen to the song Red Red Wine?

A. That is also a complicated question. You see there are three main versions of the song Red Red Wine: Old Red Red Wine (written and recorded by 70s crooner Neil Diamond), Good Red Red Wine (cover by Jamaican singer Tony Tribe), and New Red Red Wine (as performed by faux-Jamaican cover-artists UB40).

It is okay to listen to Good Red Red Wine (rocksteady version). But Old Red Red Wine (soft rock) is generally frowned upon and New Red Red Wine (UB40 tripe) is an abomination to my ears.

9 comments:

Creativity Escapes Me said...

Amen.

shoeless joel said...

Q: What is the Church's stance on the 1962 film "The Days of Wine and Roses"?

becky said...

i embrace all things UB40. maybe this is why i don't have a temple recommend

eped said...

how about cheap wine? doesn't that come in boxes too?

echoeve said...

I just want to say I started reading your blog and I think it is one of the funniest I have seen.
Thanks

Salt H2O said...

A number of Stake Dance DJ's need to be promptly informed with this official stance.

Gatsby said...

Just to be clear, this is not official doctrine. The church has stated that when it comes to the issue of Red Red Wine, that they don't tell the members what to do -one way or the other.

They encourage us to study the song in our heart and make the right decision for ourselves.

And FOR ME it just feels right to abstain completely from the UB40 version.

miss shortcake said...

thank you SO much for clearing that up! *throws out old cassette*

ram said...

just to clarify, is Iron and Wine and abomination, or does it fall under 'new wine'?