Thursday, January 15, 2009

Church Policy

I agree with the church's policy about not allowing props during sacrament meeting talks. But the thing is, if a ventriloquist dummy is going to be considered a "prop", then I think they need to make that clear when they extend the call in the first place.

Because my talk last Sunday didn't make any sense without the help of Brother Woodrow P. Woodruff.

20 comments:

lisa said...

I wish we could have seen your talk because your ward is the funnest/most bizarre word ever.

Also, it's ok that I'm the only person in the world who's not linked on your blog.

Tiffany said...

OK, I'm hooked. You are hilarious.

Gatsby said...

I'm sorry Sister Williams, I don't know how I missed you. But you're on there now.

And by the way thanks for the link to me.

Gatsby said...

Oh and welcome Sister Tiffany.

Chrissy said...

Woodrow is an excellent name for a puppet.

Maelstrom said...

What does the "P." stand for?

Ben said...

You aren't the only one Lisa!

suavefaire said...

My wife and I have to agree with Lisa. Using a ventriloquist dummy in a talk would not seem out of place in your ward – with the multiple fire alarms, foreign language testimonies and other bizarre occurrences.

Melissa said...

I love your blog! I'm also a Mormon with an irreverent sense of humor and I feel out of place in my little branch in PA.

I guess I agree with not having props in sacrament meeting, but do you think they detract from the spirit any more than the kids screaming and throwing toys, the Cheerios hitting the back of your head, or the woman giving her husband a back rub?

I'll take the ventriloquist's dummy any day!

Evonne said...

Oh how I would have loved to see that. Well, except for my insane fear of ventriloquist dummies. A girl can only imagine.

erin said...

Are you serious? No, really? I must say, I came across your blog by accident - an accident I wish never would of happened. I knew I should never of started reading this but of course the post "10 people who were baptized after they died" made me take a glance..Mother Teresa? Come on now..you need to get your facts straight. Mother Teresa was NEVER baptized after she died..why do you tell such lies? Mother Teresa was a very devout Catholic and a proud one...why can't you just let her good works be? Why do you have to throw "mormonism" in there? In my humble opinion I truly believe that its people like you that give the Mormon church a bad name..all you can do is walk around and say "this is the true church." Who really cares if there is a true church or not? That isn't what God and Jesus are about nor is it what really matters. What really matters is helping and loving one another and NOT judging which seems to be a difficult thing for you to do - not judge others. If you are Christian and believe in Jesus then why don't you stop typing such nonsense - and actually go out in the world and help someone..go feed the homeless for the day, take your elderly neighbor for a walk, go volunteer for Make A Wish rather then sit here and talk such nonsense. God doesn't pick a church my friend...he LOVES and ACCEPTS everyone regardless of their faith. Good people who do good deeds will go to Heaven (Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus) and reside next to Jesus Christ and live in His Kingdom..this I know for sure. I will truly pray for you that you will also see the light...that there is no true church, never has been and never will be..in this day and age when there is SO MUCH MORE that you can do you choose to sit here and proclaim your a part of the true church..it's sad and your very shallow in your views. Go out and live in the REAL world, my friend. There is such beauty in every religion - beauty and truth and love but you miss it, you miss it all because all you see is a veil that you live behind that doesn't exist. Good luck, erin and p.s is there a reason you don't reveal your identity? Mmmmm....

Gatsby said...

Erin, to answer your first question: no I am not serious. And to answer your well-thought-out follow-up question: yes, really.

But thank you for the laugh. Your ignorance is amusing and might even be hilarious, if it wasn’t so sad. You say you read this blog, but if you in fact had read it, you would have noticed this is a humorous/parody blog and is not intended as a serious discussion on religion in any way. And I did not in fact make any of the statements you are arguing about. So I can only conclude that

a. you did not read this blog
b. you do not possess adult understanding
c. you do not have a sense of humor

- or more likely, you may fit some combination of the three.

Frankly I am embarrassed for you. And if you possessed any kind of adult self-awareness, you would also be embarrassed at having written such a scathing comment to someone who is clearly making an absurdist joke. Do you also find yourself getting upset at Jim Carey in the movie Dumb and Dumber for saying such dumb things?

And for what it’s worth, I also think God will have a good laugh when you pray for me. Because I am sure he does understand that the content of this blog is a joke. He will also laugh when you pray for the characters of Dumb and Dumber that they will gain better understanding.

I would also like to address your concern with me not disclosing my legal identity. Again, if you spent some time looking at my blog and my account, you would find my name pretty easily. You would even find my last name and contact information.

But you didn’t. You only read the blog long enough to see the word “Mormon” – which set off your little Mormon Alarm and triggered your silly (and tired) tirade.

But I would like to know if there is a reason you did not leave your last name, home and work telephone numbers, physical address, and email address? What does that say about your faith? Hmmmm…

Also why are you so quick to defend Mother Theresa but are unwilling to stand up for Ricky Schroeder? He has good works as well.

Have you seen Lonesome Dove? No, really?

Maelstrom said...

Baaahahahahahaha!!!!

erin, I admit your wall of text crit me for triple damage, but Gatsby just destroyed you. You should be pretty embarrassed, I mean holy shit.

Anonymous said...

Gatsby, your blog has come to that point that I was sure had to happen soon: people not only not getting it, but going out of their way to object to humor that eludes them. It's sad.

I know I have little control over the musings of Mormon culture parody blog authors, but all I ask is that you don't go the way of TAMN and cater to your readers or banner ad vendors, or even contests. Just keep it real and write whatever comes to your mind. We'll fight your trolls for you.

Signed,
"Chuck" De Nomolos Anonymous,
Isle of Lesbos, Greece

Gatsby said...

Thanks, Brother Anonymous.

Those are valid concerns and I have to say that I totally agree with you.

But to be honest, if I could figure out how to put some google ads on here, I would.

But I promise not to go overboard with it.

nathaniel said...

i, along with sister erin, also wish she had not accidentally found this blog.

Ninny Beth said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Dummies are always funny!
Also, I kind of wish I could get a detractor because then maybe the traffic of my blog would increase... in the comment section, anyway. Maybe I can have a fast for that.

Michelle 2021 said...

"Let them worship how, where and what they may."

I still claim the right to believe what I will, laugh at what and whom I will, and allow others to type what they will type.

n8_bert said...

I keep wanting to believe that Erin was really kidding and just has a super dry sense of humor. Sigh. It is sad when people don't get humor - whatever religion they are from. (But for the record, I imagine Muslims have the worst sense of humor among world religions.)

Untypically Jia said...

Our last name is actually Woodruff. I need to show my husband this post LOL!