Monday, February 16, 2009

The Curious Case Of Infant Baptism

I know that unlike some religions, the Mormon church does not believe in infant baptism.

But I am confused about when Benjamin Button should be baptized. Since he was born old, would it be okay to baptize him when he was a baby? Or do you need to wait until he is 8 years old? Because that could be almost 80 years from now!

I asked my bishop, but he acted all weird, like I shouldn’t worry about it because it’s such an isolated case. But it’s not that isolated! Because remember when Mork and Mindy had a baby? He was also born old and got young (which from what I understand is the case with all Orkins).

So I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to write church headquarters for an answer.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

You missed the obvious connection that Benjamin Button is an Orkin.

Not to get into too much meat, but I wonder if Orkin doesn't equate to Kolobian.

brossettelewis said...

I love that you cover things that the average bishop shys away from. Good luck with your letter to Tom.

Nancy Nina said...

Long time reader, first time commenter here... Don't forget when Mork played Jack in the movie "Jack" about the kid who had that rare premature aging disorder. If he was Mormon and waited until he was 8 in healthy human years then he might have died. Which I guess in many ways would have been ok too.

Gatsby said...

Good point. Jack was probably physically 8 years old when he was like a year old.

When is church policy going to catch up with science?

God said...

Dear Gatsby,

You know who else was a difficult case? Kris Kross. I think the missionaries were afraid to knock on their door because they didn't know if they were supposed to baptize them face-up or face-down.

Love,

God

God said...

Gatsby,

Don't listen to that punk claiming to be me. He's a copycat.



p.s. the word verification letters were "ViARga". I am not kidding.

maybemaybenot said...

Hahaha! That last "Viarga" comment by God or God imitator was freaking hysterical. I love this blog.

My word verification is vaginoi. Italian????

The Guy Who Said His Name Was God said...

I apologize to Gatsby for my (apparently) funny comment about Viagra. I didn't intend to steal your comedic thunder.

As to who is the impersonator, I discovered that the first "God" actually calls hisself God in all of his posts. I just call myself different and ironic names in an attempt to be funny. The other guy is apparently serious about his gig.

Dr. Gregory House, MD said...

Vaginoi is plural for "Hoo-Ha"

Gatsby said...

These comments are making me question everything I thought I knew about God.

Gatsby said...

And Dr. House.

Gatsby said...

Well, not really Dr. House.

Scott said...

Does the "Honorable Mention Investigator" get a green ribbon that says "Participant" on it?

Gatsby said...

No. He gets a Book of Mormon just like everyone else. But he gets an old one that has been laying around the missionary's apartment for a while. It's not on the new thin paper and the front cover is kind of creased.

But it's still true.

It's still true, Brother Sampson.

The Elders said...

We suppose an old BoM is better than one of the pee-and-mold-stained Conference Ensigns that has been sitting next to toilet in our AP's apartment for 6 months.

Angie said...

That's a very good question. If Benjamin were my kid, I'd have him baptized on his 8th birthday, meaning the from the day he was born, even though he looked about 82. Seems the simplest solution.

Hope that helps.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

I would choose 8 years of age as well for both cases actually, because it is based on how much you can be tempted. It doesn't matter how old you look, the question is how old are you.
That's what matters, not how you appear. Because either way, whether you look 8 or 80, you're still going to have the mental acuity of an 8 year old.

Jane Doe said...

For those for have read it... in The Once and Future King, Merlin was also born old, because he was accidentally born ahead of Authur, so he had to live his life backwards.

And I agree with previous comments; babtize him when he's been living for 8 years.