Saturday, February 21, 2009

A Parable

Do you like parables? I like parables. I don’t always remember all of the details of the story - which is fine because often when we hear parables in talks they are different each time anyway. As long as we remember the lessons being taught, which is really the point of the parable after all, isn’t it? So anyway today I thought I would share with you one of my favorite parables in case you want to print it out and share it in sacrament meeting:

One time there was a guy in the mountains. Or maybe it was a young man. Like an Indian kid or maybe it was a lady. Anyway, they were outside and in a rural setting. Maybe in a mountain or by a river. Or was it at a park in the city?

The point is she was outside and heard a little voice say “hello” and he looked around and saw lizard – or it could have been a snake. Or a rat. But either way, it had developed human speech and learned a rudimentary form of English. And it said “pick me up” and the Indian boy was like “no, you are a rattle snake. You will bite me if I pick you up” Or maybe it was a scorpion and the kid said, “you will sting me…” Or maybe it was an eradiated rock.

But the rat was like “no, I won’t. I am a nice scorpion, now give me a kiss and I will grant you three wishes” and the girl didn’t want to, but the lizard convinced her to eventually, so the man put it in his pocket and carried it down the rocky cliff and when he got to the bottom of the cave, she took the sharp toothed marsupial out of her knapsack and it immediately sunk its teeth into her fleshy calf muscles.

So the old lady looks down at the badger and says “you said you weren’t going to shoot me.” And the magic rock says “look Poindexter, you knew what I was when you picked me up” And the boy was like “well what about my three wishes?” and the rat said “nah. I changed my mind about that” and then it slithered off and left Brer Bear to bleed to death.

The moral of this story is that sometimes sin can feel good - in fact depending on what sin we are talking about, sometimes it can feel REALLY good. But in the end, you will go to hell if you are nice to the little jungle creatures.

Also I think the boy’s last words were “it mattered to that one” because the poison had reached his brain and he had become delusional.

29 comments:

WhiteEyebrows said...

i can hear pres packer's voice reverberating in my head "you knew what i was when you picked me up..."

Gatsby said...

"...Poindexter."

Clean Cut said...

Oh...this was too good. Love it.

Evan said...

yes, i loooved that video... I remember it just the way you told it.

Papa D said...

Thanks for the tears. Or did I wet myself - or was it just drool?

Thorny Tree Lady said...

"Or was it at a park in the city?" I think it was IN Park City.


-Long time reader, first time commenter, California Mormon forced to attend church in Utah, now living in "the mission field."

Anonymous said...

FYI: one of the other "California Mormons" is not actually a California Mormon. She's a Rexburg Mormon, who used to live in California. California Mormons are better than Rexburg Mormons.

-JR

JustRandi said...

I could swear somebody told that same parable in our Sacrament Meeting a couple weeks ago. Only I think it was a spider.
Anyway yours was better and way less confusing, too.

MaryBeth said...

That was so spiritual.

I don't remember who said it...maybe it was President Monson...or some other general authority...or maybe it was you..anyways, I think they said something like, "You can pull a nail out of a board but there will still be a hole...unless you use wood putty...and a really good stain to cover it up."

Really touches the heart. Thanks.

Austin said...

That actually happened in MY mission!

NOBODY said...

I've always wondered, was it the holding of the snake that was the sin?

No Cool Story said...

“it mattered to that one”

*sob*

savitrii said...

I just read your entire blog in one sitting.

I...I love you.

BaAAAhahahahaha!

Michelle 2021 said...

I know that guy that gave that talk for the video. Your version was so much more in depth and touching. You just have a way with words.

From: Husband of Sister Michelle2021

Ninny Beth said...

You have a jacked up remembery because you forgot the part about the footprints. Those ones that everyone thought were from a sasquatch but turned out to be something else.
you should also know that the word verification is "ovenjoy".

Shannon said...

Oh the levels!

Jesse C said...

Scriptures and stories in layman's terms are so much better. Thanks for the laughs.

Angie said...

Some of your best work. Well done.

Alison Wonderland said...

That's my favorite parable!

Lee said...

Effing sins that dress up like rats.....

Big Jay said...

I like the one ending: "You knew I was a hoochie when you picked me up." This one has traveled through many a BYU Elders quorum meeting.

Sally said...

I don't think I have laughed this hard in a long time.

kate and clint said...

thank you for making my day ha ha ha

Wifey said...

Matt, this one is absolutely genious. Loved it. Laughed 'til I cried.

Brooke said...

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Julie said...

So...I'm a Washington Mormon who just discovered your blog! I'm a follower! Too funny!

Chris said...

I was so overcome by your parable that I have undergone a full conversion to your blog after only just hearing about it 30 minutes ago. I know this is funny with every fiber of my being. You should be paid for this stuff.

Momza said...

oh.my.heck.

Anonymous said...

I just have one question. Is this parable just another dingleberry story that you find easy to relate too?